"to taste our sadness"

Today is Christmas Eve Eve, better known in our house as Christmas Adam. Over the past few days, ALL of us girls (plus some brother-in-laws) who no longer live at home have gradually trickled in for Christmas. It's nice having everyone home, and it's nice being away for a while and having the chance to chill. Don't get me wrong - I've had plenty to do. I'm working on Bible Study planning for next semester, and trying to discipline myself to get some of my reading for December finished, instead of only hanging out around the house. I complain, but I really do enjoy it. Really.

And in the midst of my Christmas excitement, I'm hearing from some of my students who are really struggling to be at home for the holidays. The email I just read in response to my "how's it going/merry christmas" message nearly broke my heart. And there are others, too. So many girls from disfunctional and broken families, where Christmas, more than anything, is painful. Some girls have asked for my advice on how to handle their situations. It's weird, sitting here in Starbucks, trying to lesson plan, and feeling so helpless, and like I'm going to burst into tears any second. Really. I know. So I'm asking you to take an extra moment out of your holidays and join me in prayer for these sweet students.

Probably my favorite hymn ever is "Come, thou long expected Jesus", and I'm really sad that people hardly ever sing the middle two verses. Here is the third:

Come to earth to taste our sadness,
He whose glories knew no end.
By His life He brings us gladness,
Our Redeemer, Shepherd, Friend.
Leaving riches without number,
Born within a cattle stall,
This the everlasting wonder,
Christ was born the Lord of all.

Of course, that's the Christmas story. That Christ entered our broken and sad world to experience our pain and sadness, and to suffer for us. But that's not the end of the story either. He's coming back to finish the work of redemption, to finish making everything right and wipe away every tear.

Ministry....defined?

So it's probably time for a new post. Just maybe. :-)

What does ministry look like at Davidson? What really is my job? Yes, I'm here to carry out RUF's goals "To reach students for Christ" and "to equip them to serve." Okay, okay, you've probably heard me say that before. What does that really look like? Here are some glimpses of where my job has taken me thus far. Somehow, I'm beginning to see that they really are all part of that nebulous term, "ministry."

Thinking about Christ's work here on earth, especially during this season of Advent, we remember that Christ incarnated himself: that is, he became one of us so that he could eat with us, talk with us, walk with us, ect... so that he could relate with us and bring us salvation.

So with that in mind, just maybe, one part of ministry looks like...:

-getting invited by freshmen girls to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, complete in costumes


or maybe

-sitting in the Student Union for hours on end during exams so that students can show up and sit down and take a welcomed study break

-tutoring students in Spanish and German

-spending a night sitting in the ER with a student, talking and hanging out while we waited to figure out what was wrong

-getting together with students to watch Davidson's annual Christmas Parade and shivering through the snow with them:


Maybe "ministry" looks like this, like entering into their world to develope relationships so that they can see that RUF, that us interns, that the Church, ultimately, that Christ, is a safe place where they can come and bring all their burdens and struggles, their questions and doubts, and be encouraged and transformed by Christ.

Yes, God is most certainly at work on this campus. Some of my students are beginning to really open up and ask good questions. Some of them have showed me how seriously they are hurting. Others have been willing to discuss just what keeps them from believing the Gospel, and are looking for answers. Some of them are beginning to invite friends, Christian and non, that I haven't yet had the opportunity to meet, to events, because they know RUF is a safe place. And for some reason, God has me sitting in the midst of all of this, which is an incredible place to be. Please keep praying that He would give me (and all of us working here at Davidson!) the wisdom I need, and the love for the students to be able to love them and point them to Christ.

Gideon - the Mighty Man of Valor!

It has been way too long. I know. I apologize. I'm not a blogger, nor a journaler. In fact, I'm not much of a fan of writing about my life. But that doesn't really excuse me. The fact is, I want to give you the opportunity to keep up with what is going on...So without further ado:

Today is November 12th, which means two weeks from yesterday is Thanskgiving. Really. This also means I've been living in Davidson for almost exactly three months, which is crazy. At what point does life in a new place move from new and exciting to the hum-drum of every day existance? As much as I love Davidson, I must confess that I've hit a slump, and that's a little hard to deal with. I'd rather tell you that things are easy, ministry is great, and life has never been better. But the truth of the matter is, (as many of you, I'm sure, have experienced), leaving college friends and taking up life in a completely new place has it's ups and downs. And the successfulness of ministry is a really difficult thing to measure. You can't just put in time and crank out changed lives. Sadly, (or not so sadly, if you realize we can't be works-based), God doesn't work that way.

So I've found myself feeling a bit like Puddleglum from Narnia these past few weeks. (If you don't know who Puddleglum is, I'd advise you to read The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis - much better than me explaining him to you.) Lonliness is real, and I keep wondering why God wants me here. And I forget to look and see how he is actually working.

Yesterday in freshmen Bible Study, we talked about God using Gideon - not exactly the most heroic or brave of men - to rescue Israel from their seven years of oppression from the Midianites. Okay, and I mean, Gideon really didn't want God to use him. He was comfortable hiding out in a barn, basically, and watching his little supply of food so that his family didn't starve. It wasn't a glorious position, but he'd rather that than have God use him. And when God's angel came, addressing him as a "mighty man of valor" and telling Gideon God's plans to use him to rescue Israel, Gideon resisted and resisted and put up a real fuss. He'd have to leave the comfort of his puny little barn, after all! And he tested God, over...and over...and over again. And yet, God was patient, and still used Gideon. Not that He needed him. But He wanted to use Gideon, and he wanted to teach Gideon.

And I'm reminded how much I'm like Gideon. I'd rather be sitting back in a hovel, away from ministry and with the comforts of a few friends. I don't want to lean into the strength that God has entrusted me with here. And I don't want to look at see how God is working, because then I'll have to believe that God does indeed want to use me, "the weakest among my clan".

So, it's been hard. But friends, when you ask me to stop and look at what God is accomplishing here, I really am amazed. I'd love to tell you about some of this, but I'll have to save that for next time. I need to make a mad dash out of the library to meet one of my incredibly sweet freshmen girls for a lunch date.

Thank God that he is at work here, and pray that he will make me willing to lean into his strength and see that!

Otono/Herbst/Autumn

My favorite season has arrived. Or is arriving, at least.Yesterday I even wanted a light fleece in the morning. It's my no-campus day, and I'm enjoying doing laundry while it drips rain outside, and anticipating a nice cup of tea once I get back to my apartment. And I might light the spicy autumn candle on my kitchen table tonight. If you haven't already figured out that I'm obsessed with Fall (based on my blog background, or just talking with me), consider yourself informed.

This weekend Davidson met up with several other schools from North and South Carolina for an RUF Fall Conference at Camp Greystone, just south of Asheville. I think there were about 30 of us from Davidson who went, and it was awesome just to have that time to hang out with students in a non-school setting. Our speaker for the weekend, Rob Edwards, was incredible as well, not only for the family/Athens connection we share, but in the way he clearly presented Sanctification over the course of four sermons, all from the gospel of Luke. Based on our small group discussions afterwards, I think most of us were encouraged and challenged by his talks.

Saturday afternoon was our bit of free time, so I got to spend this time NOT studying (it's still so strange not being a student anymore). Besides canoing with some girls, I also learned to play a few new games - some of them more successfully than others :-). Bananagrams is quite fun - we played this for a while in the Dining Hall while it rained. And Flickerball...haha. This is actually a Davidson sport, played mainly between the Freshmen halls, and then at random between upperclassmen. It's sort of a cross between touch football and ultimate frisbee, so if you can imagine me attempting that... :-). But it was fun at least running around the field with everyone, and my students were awesome in encouraging me the couple of times I actually caught the ball (even if I wasn't so sure what to do with it then).

Mainly, this weekend was awesome for having the chance to participate in a lot of hopefully relational-building activities, and to have some common ground to relate to some of the newer students on.

On a side note, all of us female interns got to stay in a cabin together, which meant we talked way-late after lights out both nights, and I am now so excited to see all my fellow inters again at training next month!

So, it's cool and rainy for the first time since I've been in Davidson, and I love it. Planning to make some Ginger cookies and play apples-to-apples with students this weekend. Hopefully they'll appreciate my obsession with this season :)

Humility and Rejoicing

So yesterday I did something I've never done before. I gave away my Bible. (okay, one of them. Now I don't feel so bad for having several :-) ). I'm envious of those of you who have had this experience many times before. I felt so inadequate, like handing over my Bible was the only thing I could do.

See, I was meeting with a girl at a coffee shop. It was the first time we'd gotten to hang out one-on-one, and so I just barely knew her, and didn't really know which direction the conversation was going to take. I quickly came to find out that this girl is a brand new Christian, which is so incredibly awesome! However, she knows almost nothing about the Bible. So she and a friend were talking about how they wanted to start reading the Bible to learn more about their new faith, but they're overwhelmed and don't know where to begin. Also, her Bible is a little hard to dive into because, yea, verily, it is an Olde King James version. (Yeah, that's hard for me to read too!) I'm fearful writing this, because I'm scared to let you know how sheltered I have been. At this point in our conversation, I felt so lost. I've had some experience talking about the Gospel with people who are familiar with the Old and New Testaments, whether or not they take them as truth. But I feel convicted that my speech is so in tune to "Christian lingo" that I seriously fail in explaining the Bible to someone who really knows nothing about it. I pulled my ESV out of my bag and opened it to John. People always say that John is a good book to start with, and so I showed her where to find it, but I'm afraid I failed in properly explaining it. I also showed her the Psalms, and started to say they were written mainly by David, and then stopped, because I realized that she had no clue who David was. So I had to blunder through giving a very vague picture of the Psalms without using any pre-supposed Christian terminology.

I walked away from our coffee date amazed at the opportunity of seeing Christ at work in this girl's life, and convicted of my own inadequacy. I realized that I really don't know how to talk about the Bible apart from Christian platitudes.

Please pray for me, that I would begin to learn how to see the Gospel through the eyes of a new believer, and that God would grant me the grace and wisdom to humbly learn.
And please pray and praise God for this girl who angels are rejoicing over! Pray that God's word would be living and active in her life, even as He promises it is. And pray that she would take great joy in the opportunity to learn about the immeasurable riches of her Savior!

"Hallelujah"

As of Monday, I am now an official member of the Davidson College Concert Choir, singing 1st Alto in Handel’s Messiah (I’d call myself a mezzo-soprano, but Handel forgot about us when composing the score), to be performed November 22, at 7:30pm in the Duke Family Performance Hall on campus at Davidson.

I know. I hear your objections. Firstly, “um, Anna…you don’t sing. You never have sung. What?” and, “um, didn’t you go to Davidson to minister to students? Aren’t you being supported to work with RUF?” And you are absolutely right, on both accounts.

You see, joining the Concert Choral to sing well and prove my heretofore neglected vocal calling (ha!), is not really the point. Talking with my campus minister, I realized that part of ministry here is using my interests and talents (okay, singing isn’t exactly a talent, but music in general, maybe) as ways to get involved and get to know the Davidson community, and widen the scope of people that I come in contact with. That being said, I’m not going to choir rehearsal on Monday nights with some maniacal vision of gathering up all the innocent choir-goers and herding them to RUF. I just want to have more opportunities to be a part of Davidson, and get to know girls with whom I would not otherwise come in contact. Davidson students are incredibly busy and studious, and maybe this is a way to enter into their world, instead of asking them to do something else. So this is just a start. I’m trying to figure out how to get involved with Spanish & German too, and am potentially going to the Davidson Knitting Club on Saturday (please don’t laugh too hard, although you are entitled to some laughing). On a side note, I love the Messiah, and pretty much know all the music backward and forward, so I’m pretty pumped to have a great excuse to do this, and it should be a good start for someone with very little choir background. My first rehearsal was this Monday, and I LOVED it, and I also got to meet some sweet girls!

So please do pray for me, as I attempt to get involved in life at Davidson, and look for clubs and organizations in which non-students are also allowed to participate.

A quick look at Davidson

Two weeks ago today I was moving to Davidson. Now, at least compared to my co-intern (who has been here less than 24 hours at this point), I'm decently settled. In fact, my life as an RUF intern is in full swing, or sort of...

Last week was a blur of awesome and crazy. Monday morning I was concerned because I had nothing to do, and then, suddenly, the week filled up, and I was hanging out with sweet people from the RUF Servant Team, and having my first one-on-ones with a handful of freshmen girls (plenty of butterflies in the stomach before those)! Although Davidson's first RUF Large Group was not until last night (details in a moment), we went to the Student Activities Fair on Thursday night, and then had an open-invite BBQ in the middle of campus on Friday. So lots of meeting people and trying desperately to remember faces and names. I could overwhelm you with details, but I'm trying to be semi-succinct.

So far, I've begun to see how very different Davidson is from Samford. Not that I'm very surprised, since Samford is basically a little Southern Baptist bubble. But really, just walking around campus and watching students interact, or talking with freshmen who have come to our events, I'm struck with the sense of lost-ness here. The Student Activities Fair was a good picture of that. About 150 organizations came to entice students to get involved with their particular activity, and these organizations were divided up accross the grass into sort of categories. So RUF was naturally lumped in with all the other religious organizations. Our area of the lawn was a varitable assortment of Christian ministries, muslim, interfaith, and jewish organizations, and even a meditation club. From my vantage point, I was able to witness students meandering from one table to the next, picking up a card or putting down their name at each of these tables in turn. This is a different kind of lost-ness than what I have seen. And at the same time, it holds great potential for ministry, as these students desperately seek something to fill the gaping hole in their life that academics and social involvement cannot fill. Some students that I've had personal conversations with have given me this impression as well.

In all this, I've never felt like I needed to spend more time in prayer and confess my own weaknesses than now. As excited as I am for the opportunities that I'm already beginning to see at Davidson, I have never felt more inadequite. Seriously. I know that is where we are supposed to be, and the study program we are reading through is helpful in reminding us of Paul's confession in 2 Corinthians 12:10, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." Really believing this and living out of the riches I have been given is harder.

Prayer requests would be, first of all, that I would be comfortable with where God has put me right now - that is, that even though I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing every waking hour, or when I do know what I'm supposed to be doing, I don't know how I'm supposed to be doing it, that I would rest in the assurance that Christ is greater than my own insecurities. Also, pray that I might find a good church body to be a part of in this area. There are options, but I am impatient, and I'm struggling to choose between them and be okay with them. I'm lonely for the company of people I can talk to and get to know as friends, so please pray for friendships, and patience as I wait for those too! And do pray that God would work in the lives of students here, and use this ministry at Davidson to grow his Kingdom!

And last but certainly not least - THANK you so much for all of your encouragement - through prayer, phone calls, comments, emails...I'm incredibly grateful and know I would not be where I am without you!

Campus life begins...

So yes...I am here at Davidson! Students moved in between Wednesday evening and Saturday, and classes started today, which means, of course, that my real job has just begun!

First of all, moving went incredibly smoothly (thanks to the help of my sweet Aunt & cousins & grandparents), and the rain (which was in the forcast all day) held off until that evening, just after my campus minister & family had finished moving in a mattress & night stand - the last things to get moved in. And I absolutely love my new place! The location really is perfect, and once it cools off a bit, I think I will walk to campus a lot. Pictures to come - but right now, it's still a bit sparcely furnished & decorated.

Saturday was my first event with Davidson's RUF. It was a faux retreat with the Servant Team, made up of about 30 Davidson students who are really committed to serving through RUF. I was nervous, to say the least, but I got to meet a bunch of really sweet girls, and had the opportunity to get to know them a bit as we met all afternoon, and then as we fellowshipped over dinner at the Speakman house (Campus minister's family). Sunday morning, we all went to church together ar Christ Central in Charlotte, and so I had some more driving time to spend with people.

Today we had a staff meeting, and I got the names of several freshmen to contact. I'm excited, but I'm anxious about not doing things right, or scaring people off, and whatnot. These past few days I've had to keep reminding myself (as I've been going through the "what-in-the-world-do-I-think-I'm-doing-here sort of freak -out) that God has not provided the means for me to be here and allowed me to move in vain. By his grace, I trust he will work through all my flaws and misjudgements and accomplish his mission through me! Please pray that I believe this, and that, as I begin work here, I would truly learn to minister through a servant heart, and for the glory of Christ and the Gospel!

God Provides (again)

So I need to update you on God at work over the last few days. It's a lengthy story, but I think the details are necessary to help you understand it.

I've been back in Winston-Salem now for over a week. Mainly last week, I spent my time apartment searching. I'm sort of a novice at this, so I hunted online, called churches, worked my way through grape-vine scrambles, emailed people about ads I had hear of, contacted various campus ministries at Davidson (looking for roommates), and called several apartments that had potential. By Friday, I had two apartments (one looking a whole lot more promising than the other) to look at in Mooresville, just north of Davidson. So I drove down, and after seeing them both, was just about ready to fill out an application for the one, so they could get me in Friday the 20th (I need to be at Davidson the 21st for the Ministry Team retreat).

So I called my campus minister to touch base with him. We wound up spending the rest of Friday driving around Davidson, Cornelius & Huntersville (Davidson College is in Davidson, but these towns are all tiny and running into eachother), stopping at apartments & writing down numbers on signs & in windows, to see if I might have missed something. Everything, it seemed, was way above my price range. Davidson is on Lake Norman (a very expensive area), and apparently Davidson is in the most expensive zip code in NC. Talking with my campus minister & his wife later that evening, I realized that the problem with the Mooresville apartment was that it was on the wrong side of Davidson to really feel like I was a part of the community, and to really get plugged in. But I had no idea what my alternatives were. We talked about finding temporary housing, with the intention of continuing searching for a roommate. That would be very hard for me - I've been basically couch-surfing all summer, and I'm very ready to feel settled, but I knew I needed to do what would be best for me and this position in the long run. So I drove back to Winston Friday evening very discouraged and, unfortunately, in tears.

Late that night, my campus minister left me a message about one more option he had just stumbled across. He had found a number for a couple with a garage apartment somewhere deep down in his email. Having no idea if the apartment was empty or even for rent, he called and left a message for them. They called him right back and said it was empty and for rent, and open for immediate move-in. Saturday morning, I called them and set up an appointment to go see it at 1. It really was the perfect place: one mile from Davidson College, in a beautiful, quite, and very safe neighborhood, and belonging to one of the sweetest couples I have ever met. Unfortunately, it was still over my housing budget.

Per my father's advice, I knew I at least needed to ask them to come down on the price. I had prayed about this, and I knew God was in control. Still, I hated to ask them. So, I was honest, and I told them my situation. They looked at eachother for a few minutes, and then, right then and there, without even confering, they offered me a compromise! And it was do-able! Honestly, I almost started crying again right there, as I saw God coming through yet again for me. Later I was talking with my campus minister, and he said he's known other people who have lived there (including married RUF interns), but they have never before budged on the rent. Obviously, God is at work.

I'm moving in tomorrow, and my sweet Aunt & two cousins & my grandparents are coming to help. I also just officially got the green light from RUF today, which means I am at 85% of support and am ready to move!

I have to cut this short, because my grandparents are taking me to dinner right now! But please praise God with me, and continue to pray for this transition to Davidson, and for the start of school this Monday!

"My God will supply every need of yours"

So, I know I'm long overdue for a blog update. I confessed in my first post that I am a terrible blogger, so please forgive me.

This past week I left my aunt & uncle's house in Winston-Salem (where I'd been living for the past couple of weeks) to go to RUF training in Atlanta. Training was overwhelming, but really neat. I love RUM because everything we hear seems really challenging and pushes me out of my comfort zone, and I feel really unqualified for the work I'm about to do. But we never listen to a seminar that does not include the hope of the Gospel and reassure us that God loves to use broken vessels and bruised reeds for His service, and to further His Kingdom here on earth. And I've been learning over the course of this summer how very much each and every one of you is involved in this: your prayers and your encouragement, via email, phone call, or face-to-face conversation, has really been the hands and feet of Christ witnessing and ministering to me, and keeping me strong when I've been down.

I spent a good bit of July feeling very down and stressed out about this internship, and what was ahead. I would consider myself to be a type-A personality, and I love to have everything planned out. So as I made support-raising calls and support-raising visits, only to see my reports show up with the same percentage, week after week, I began to feel very insecure, and doubt my own abilities. Actually, I think that was God's point. It's easy to work hard and expect to see a result. I do well working for improvement. But my work this summer is incredible, because, while I have plenty of things I'm supposed to do, God is really the one in control and providing. I found myself wrestling a lot with that. The verse that kept coming to mind and that I have begun praying in my fears is from Philipians, chapter 4:19, "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." And truly he has. As the summer races into August, and the time for me to go to Davidson draws nearer, things have begun to fall into place, and I'm overwhelmed by God's provision. Officially, I'm at 78% of support, and unofficially, I might be all the way there. Although I don't know where I'm going to live, there are some potential roomming situations out there, and I know God will provide here, even has he has done with the finances.

This week I'm so thankful to be at my Grandmother's lake house with my family, and able to rest for a bit before plunging into the work ahead of me. Please pray that God would continue to keep me from trusting in myself, and that my faith would be strengthened as I head into something I feel totally unprepared for. And please do pray for housing to work out, and for a smooth transition as I look at moving in the next week or two.

encouragement

First of all, my car is working, and it was indeed NOT the transmission, but the torque converter, which is a huge praise (and a lot less expensive). I was able to pick it up in Birmingham last Friday afternoon, which meant I did not have to cancle or post-pone my trip to Athens.

Honestly, I was slightly terrified of going to Athens, as much as I wanted to see everyone. I realized, as I got off I-85 onto Highway 316 last Saturday, that my stomach was twisting in knots. I'm not sure. I think it was a combination of excitement, and nervousness at the prospect of seeing old friends again (seven years after moving away), and I think generally afraid of my own awkwardness, and the idea of asking for money. It would seem I had completely forgotten the title of my last post - indeed, I forget that all the time.

However, you might not be surprised to find out that this trip was possibly the most encouraging part of my summer. So, I expect meeting with people to talk about support is going to be an intensly uncomfortable, mentally exhausting process. I was amazed by how it was quite the opposite. I walked out of each meeting feeling entirely overwhelmed by the grace of God shown through the body of Christ. These people truly encouraged me through their listening, asking questions, giving advice, and prayers offered for me. I know I am unqualified for this internship on my own, but through this trip, one thing I really learned was how each and every one of these people are an integral part of my ministry, and that I need all of you to minister with me. Without your support, and particularly, without your prayers and encouragement, I know I could not go to Davidson with RUF.

So, I do ask for your continued prayers, and I am so thankful to all of you for your prayers thus far and for your support. I know I write about encouragement and about trusting God, but just as quickly as God is teaching me these lessons, I am forgetting them, and I need prayer that I would constantly remember God's faithfulness. Please keep praying too for financial support. I am at 58%, which is awesome, but I still have $8,500 to go before I can move to campus next month. Also pray, as I am feeling frustrated that I don't know how best to use my time right now, and I feel like I am at a stand still in support raising and don't know where to go from here.

Until next time,

"Trusting God"

"Trusting God". That is the title of the book I'm reading right now for the RUF study program. It's by Jerry Bridges, and it's title sums up just what I'm learning this week. I think it's no coincidence that this is the book for this month. At the time of my last post, I was reading a chapter about how God is sovereign even in the hard times, and how we are normally not comfortable with that, but how he uses them to his ends, despite our mistrust. "I'm not really going through any adversity right now" was the though running through my head.

Maybe an hour later, I was on the way to a small group from my church, that had graciously invited me to dinner, and then to share about my internship with them. One mile away from their house, my awesome 2003 Taurus (the very one with half my dorm room stuffed into the trunk), with only 65,000 miles under it's belt, refused to move another inch. It just plain stopped. Pressing my foot on the gas did no good, other than rev the engine. I was able to coast off to the side of the road, and sort of pull off the main road onto a neighborhood road. I was baffled...why would my car, which has been incredibly faithful in the past, and has given me no warning of anything amiss, just fail? I'm not sure, but they told us at Orientation that every intern would have car problems. I just didn't believe that I fell into the category of "every intern".

Now, this is not exactly a huge life crisis that is causing me incredible pain and suffering. Inconvenient? yes. Expensive? absolutely. But I think maybe Satan wants it to be discouraging, and at the same time, God had it all worked out so beautifully, that it is impossible to be discouraged, and instead, I find myself marveling at his provision. I could go on and on, but let me simply show you a few of the things I'm amazed at:

-I've been driving a lot this past month, through Atlanta, through no-where's-ville. And the place my car broke down was in the safest neighborhood possible, a mile away from excellent help, in a city that I know pretty well, and where I know plenty of people.

-The man who crossed the road to help me push my car a little further to safety saw the RUF sticker on my back window.
"Do you go to RUF?"
"Well, yes, actually, I'm just beginning work for them as an Intern."
"Really? Well, do you know [this other guy]?"
"Wow, yeah, he's gonna be the intern at Samford next year (where I just graduated from) and I just met him at Orientation"
"Well, he was just at my house a couple days ago"
A short conversation, but in that moment, so encouraging, and such a picture that God was with me right then.

-The small group, who immediately sent people to my assistence (I didn't even know everyone there), and drove me back to where I was staying that night. (incidentally, and definately not coincidentally, the family who drove me back lives just down the road that I needed to be dropped off on)

-my good friend Josh who "just happened" to have a flexible schedule on Monday and was able to help me get the car towed, and take me to the Ford dealership, and who waited very patiently with me for the three hours all of that took

-my dear, sweet friend Anna, who immediately said it was okay for me to stay with them until my car was fixed, and who came and picked me up to take me back to her amazing family (who has been treating me like royalty)

-the fact that I was frustrated not to have any appointments scheduled for Monday and Tuesday, because I felt like my trip to Birmingham would be more or less a failure. But it turns out, I had talked to everyone I had needed to on Sunday at church & small group, and I wouldn't have been able to make it to any appointments after all.

So you see, I could go on and on, and talk about the many ways God has been providing for me in this relatively minute inconvenience. It really is overwhelming. And humbling. I really think this is a lesson I need to learn before moving to Davidson to start ministry there. This time, I've been able to see God in every detail of my car breaking down; it's easy to trust here. Next time, it might not be that way. But I do pray that I'll trust his presence regardless of how clearly I see it.

introduction

So, I'm terrible at blogging, and I know this, and you will quickly discover this to be a fact as well, if you didn't know already. But I want to have an outlet to keep people updated about my internship with RUF. I've been inspired by the myriads of bloggers out there, whose blogs I love to read, because I find them insightful, or encouraging, or inspiring. This will probably be none of those. They also tend to be written by people who are good and creative writers. I am not. Consider yourself warned.

Panera Bread on highway 31 in Birmingham, AL: It is a quiet Sunday afternoon: melancholy, but peaceful. This summer has been different, and will only get harder before it gets easier. I am a nomad for two and a half months, living out of the trunk of my taurus. Why? you might ask. Come early August, I hope to move to Davidson College, but currently I am fundraising. This scares me to death. Think about it...$31,804 to raise in order to pursue the first year of a job I feel like God is calling me to do. But we live in a society where it is not kosher to talk about money, and certainly not okay to ask people for money. And on top of that, the fact that I don't particularly like to recieve any gifts. It makes me feel uncomfortable. At RUF Orientation, John Stone explained something: half the reason that we're raising money for this internship, is so that we can understand what it is like to recieve grace. If I cannot accept the unmerrited generosity of others wanting to be a part of this ministry, how can I expect to accept the unmerrited grace of Jesus Christ that I am supposed to be ministring out of? This has provided me with a lot of food for thought, and caused me to examine myself some. Support raising is a humbling process, and I need that.

Tonight I'm going to talk with a small group about my ministry at RUF-Davidson, and ask them to support me. I'm nervous. Will this actually help? Will they be persuaded that my ministry is good enough that they want to be a part of it? Will I present myself eloquently, and make easy conversation with these people as we fellowship? These are the thoughts racing through my mind. And yet, deep down, I know that God is in control, and I long to trust that I am entirely unimportant, merely a bruised reed that God has chosen out of his great mercy to use for his purposes. Without this truth, tonight, and my two years at Davidson are doomed to failure. Oh that I would learn to trust!