It has been way too long. I know. I apologize. I'm not a blogger, nor a journaler. In fact, I'm not much of a fan of writing about my life. But that doesn't really excuse me. The fact is, I want to give you the opportunity to keep up with what is going on...So without further ado:
Today is November 12th, which means two weeks from yesterday is Thanskgiving. Really. This also means I've been living in Davidson for almost exactly three months, which is crazy. At what point does life in a new place move from new and exciting to the hum-drum of every day existance? As much as I love Davidson, I must confess that I've hit a slump, and that's a little hard to deal with. I'd rather tell you that things are easy, ministry is great, and life has never been better. But the truth of the matter is, (as many of you, I'm sure, have experienced), leaving college friends and taking up life in a completely new place has it's ups and downs. And the successfulness of ministry is a really difficult thing to measure. You can't just put in time and crank out changed lives. Sadly, (or not so sadly, if you realize we can't be works-based), God doesn't work that way.
So I've found myself feeling a bit like Puddleglum from Narnia these past few weeks. (If you don't know who Puddleglum is, I'd advise you to read The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis - much better than me explaining him to you.) Lonliness is real, and I keep wondering why God wants me here. And I forget to look and see how he is actually working.
Yesterday in freshmen Bible Study, we talked about God using Gideon - not exactly the most heroic or brave of men - to rescue Israel from their seven years of oppression from the Midianites. Okay, and I mean, Gideon really didn't want God to use him. He was comfortable hiding out in a barn, basically, and watching his little supply of food so that his family didn't starve. It wasn't a glorious position, but he'd rather that than have God use him. And when God's angel came, addressing him as a "mighty man of valor" and telling Gideon God's plans to use him to rescue Israel, Gideon resisted and resisted and put up a real fuss. He'd have to leave the comfort of his puny little barn, after all! And he tested God, over...and over...and over again. And yet, God was patient, and still used Gideon. Not that He needed him. But He wanted to use Gideon, and he wanted to teach Gideon.
And I'm reminded how much I'm like Gideon. I'd rather be sitting back in a hovel, away from ministry and with the comforts of a few friends. I don't want to lean into the strength that God has entrusted me with here. And I don't want to look at see how God is working, because then I'll have to believe that God does indeed want to use me, "the weakest among my clan".
So, it's been hard. But friends, when you ask me to stop and look at what God is accomplishing here, I really am amazed. I'd love to tell you about some of this, but I'll have to save that for next time. I need to make a mad dash out of the library to meet one of my incredibly sweet freshmen girls for a lunch date.
Thank God that he is at work here, and pray that he will make me willing to lean into his strength and see that!
